The truth is I had a whole different post planned for today. One on positivity and how well my little girl is doing with isolation, despite having ASD. Then life got in the way and I knew that this was the post I needed to write. This was the post that my sanity and mental health needed me to verbalise.
I’m scared so terribly scared of the coronavirus and the impact it could have on my life. Selfish isn’t it. Just thinking of my life and not the thousands of people who are affected daily. Even with that though it doesn’t make me less scared.
My sister is a nurse on the frontline. Two months ago she nursed cuddly old ladies, now she nurses covid-19 patients. She sent me a picture of her new uniform gloves, masks, gowns. I’m sure when this ends we will laugh at the photo. I pray that when this ends we will be able to laugh about the photo.
I worry for her now and I worry for her in the future. When she comes through this process what will she have seen? How can a stupid teacher, like me, relate to what she has been through. The mental health of our nurses is going to be another casualty of this pandemic.
I worry about her family my two beautiful nieces and gorgeous nephew. What if they all get sick? I can’t even help, I can’t even be there for them. I can’t visit. I can’t take the kids for ice-cream and tell them it’s going to be alright.
I am so immensely proud of her, I will never be able to put it into words. Patients with covid-19 are not allowed visitors or family to comfort them. I can’t imagine a better person to hold your hand, than my sister when you are ill and worried. Those people she sits with and talks to will always remember her. They are lucky to have her. I can’t wait for the day when I can hold her hand and have her back.
She is scared, I know that. I’m her big sister I am supposed to stop the monsters and make her feel better. I can’t this time and I can’t stand beside her and help slay those demons.
With all this, I don’t want to put an extra burden on my family. My parents are isolating as they are vulnerable. God, I hate that word. I know my mum worries, I don’t want to add to that. I am the positive jovial one. So, my friends, this is why this is the post I had to write today. I had to talk to someone and Medium is my safe place. I’m crying now, that’s the third time in an hour.
If you can find it in your heart to pray for my sister and all the other nurses and doctors on the frontline I would be more than grateful. I have a feeling they need all the help they can get.